I only post here when I’m crazier than all fucking hell… Never a good sign. The part of me that wants to remain completely annonymous in my own fucked up life. This is my place to scream at the top of my lungs where nobody is listening. Cuz really: Nobody fucking listens anyways. I’d rather vent to nobody than to speak my words to unhearing ears.
I’m so fucking angry… I live in a highly populated area that would make it taboo to go outside and howl out loud the song of my soul: I don’t need to cops harassing my sorry pathetic ass. So I sit here and type in silence… what’s that I hear… ooooh yeah… the victims song… symphony in silence.
I hate it in it’s silence, it means to be in screams!!!!!!
Day off today. Should be busting ass in prep for the move, but I’m not feeling the ambition just yet today. Elbow hurts and all this pushing myself isn’t helping it heal.
Someone from jr. high found me on facebook last week. He was one of the few people I actually liked back then, but the whole thing weirds me out just a bit. He’s only got like 16 “friends” on there, so obvioulsy he did a specific search for me. Not that it’s a big deal, but he messages me all the time and I haven’t yet responded to anything. Time is short and frankly, lost contacts from my jr. high days aren’t high on my priority list right now. I still see him as a 4 foot kid bounding around the hallways with his pretend lightsaber complete with sound effects. Heck, I haven’t been good about keeping up contact with those who are close to me lately!!!
I guess I’m just generally feeling overwhelmed with everything. I spend my days on my feet at work, then come home and work even harder (it seems.) Kinda burning myself out… play farmville just to go into a zone of meaninglessness sometimes and read my book till I pass out to escape. I am truly very excited about the move, but this prep part just isn’t any fun. One step at a time…. back at it.
Tumblr: The place for my pent up shit. Guess it’s been months since anything felt this… dunno… unventable in public? Life is so good right now~ I have no complaints and a shitload of grattitude.
I had a dream last night that is really fucking with my head though… big time. It was so contrary to what my daily thoughts/ feelings are/ have been for a long time. If it was only that way in the dream, I could kinda blow it off… but it’s affected me all day, so I can’t…. it’s like my dream brainwashed me. And granted: my brain needed a little cleansing, but really there should be a limit.
Very recently a friend of mine posted a “what do you want out of life” sorta question on facebook, to which I responded with several things. One of those things was something along the lines that I’d like to live my life carrying no bitterness towards anyone~ to be able to TRULY love my neighbor/enemy sorta thing. The world can always use more possitive/ less negative energies floating around, and two: who needs baggage, right? Despite the happiness I’ve felt in my life recently, I have to admit that when I typed this aspect on my friend’s post, it made me think more than my other listings because it is where I need the most work. Not that I go around all grumbly all the time, but every day I have my little passing grumble-grumble-rumble-roar moments that come on quickly and pass over just as fast… but still: I got to thinking about this being where I need the most self-work to happen. So maybe… in some really fucked up way, that is where my dream came from????
If so, going just to that point would have been all roses. Instead I went from being all bitter to being all lovey. Great…. Now what? They do say be careful what ya wish for. I’m hearing that now. I should have never wished to not carry bitterness, cuz this is equally fucked up. At least I recognize that…. maybe it’ll quickly pass. My dreams hit me too hard… always, I guess. It’s just that usually they make sense to me though.
Dunno… hopefully in 2 days I’ll be feeling back to normal of sorts but without any bitterness. THAT would be cool. Feel better after typing:)
hoosierbuddy:
twistedwings:
hoosierbuddy:
(on myspace) thanks
LOL! will do sweet Hoos:)
got your message but it was written with invisible ink - try again please?
You can’t read invisible ink??? If anyone could, I’d have thought it would be you;) A new more readable one has been sent:)
ryanada-ms:
but i am much of a loudmouth lunatic so its best to keep it short and finger-typed .
Please don’t stop on here:( Twitter is so limited as far as expression goes, and no one should be limited to that.
